Chapter 17: Final Word
What Made Me Qualified To Write This Book?
As I have stated on my author page, I was born in the wilds of Tennessee in what is well known in America as the Bible-belt. My father and grandfather were both fundamentalist ministers and until my early twenties I was faithfully following in their footsteps. I spent my childhood in the fundamentalist church grew to manhood with my religion dominating my life.
My Childhood
I remember at an early age having to hush as soon as I heard someone begin speaking-in-tongues and sitting quietly with reverence as God was about to speak. I remember setting there feeling my pulse quicken and my chest starting to pound in awe as the mighty Jehovah, creator of all the universe, took time to tell us what was to come and what we were to do.
I remember being a seven-year-old child lying on a church bench trembling in fear on December 31, 1967, during our annual New Year’s Eve service, because the minister said times were getting so wicked we probably wouldn’t ever see 1969! I will never forget that early taste of absolute horror!
I remember at age thirteen the excitement of electricity tingling from my fingertips, my whole body trembling as I spoke in tongues for the first time.
My bizarre religious beliefs and practices made me an outcast at school. I was constantly made fun of and never fit in. That just turned me even deeper into my religion and my favorite pastime, reading. I absolutely loved reading the Bible. I would spend all day, every day reading the scriptures, even in between classes at school. Reading the King James Bible became as easy for me as reading a newspaper. I read it so much that each chapter felt like an old friend as I would discover it over and over again.
My Life As A Young Minister
I got to know the scriptures so well that I started noticing that the other church members even many of the ministers did not live according to the teachings as I understood them. Not only that, they didn’t any of them appear to know the Bible as well as I thought I did.
Even though I was not much more than fourteen, I began to get up to testify during church and appeared to amaze the crowd with my words. I earned the nickname “The Walking Talking Bible.” I was invited to the adult Bible study on Wednesday nights. Although our church had a Teenager’s Sunday school class, I was asked to sit with the adults. I was told I couldn’t participate in their youth services (something like a religious version of the television show Jeopardy) because I would win all the prizes and not give any other kids a chance.
Before long the church pastor told me that he believed I had “The Call” meaning that God had chosen me to be a minister. I will never forget the incredible rush, the first time I stood in the pulpit and loudly proclaimed a sermon that awed the entire church. I imagined myself as a modern day Elijah bringing down fire from heaven on sinners and the ungodly! At age fourteen I held my first revival (a series of services on consecutive nights) and was soon a licensed minister.
Over time, I held various revivals and preached in churches across three states. At age nineteen I became a church pastor. Was I too young? Most definitely, I knew a lot of Bible verses, but had no real life experience to go with it, and at times it showed.
Did my parents push me to do this? Yes, they were supportive to be sure, but it was also my decision and something I wanted to do. In spite of what many people believed, they didn’t tell me what to say either; my sermons were entirely my own doctrine from what I read.
The Turning Away
What’s funny is that the very thing that my church taught would make me very close to God was the very thing that led me out of the church. As I studied the Bible more and more, I discovered all sorts of little discrepancies that gave me great difficulty. Not a problem for most people, but for someone whose life was based on it being the infallible “Word of God” this was a catastrophe!
As you can tell, until I discovered these problems, I was very smug and sure of myself. Looking back I can also see that I was self-righteous and proud. It was not until I had all the props knocked out from under me with the loss of my faith that I began to learn humility. Until then I had dreams of being a big-name evangelist converting the masses. Now I have no desire to become famous or be looked at as some guru. All I want now it to help others who have been devastated once they discover the truth about fundamentalism. This is one of the reasons you do not see my name on any work from my web site, I no longer desire fame.
After several months of struggling with these questions I stepped down as pastor of the small church I was leading sometime around my twenty-third birthday. As far as the church world I grew up with was concerned, I dropped off the face of the planet. Then I began a long, hard search for what I actually did believe in. You are now reading some of the results of that search.
You might find it surprising but to this very day, I still enjoy reading the Bible, and although I know that newer translations are more accurate, I just love the sound of the King James Version. I now know that it is not at all what I was raised to believe it was, but that does not mean that I have no use for it.
I now feel that I have a different calling… One that I still can use my unusual gift to pursue. And that is leading others from the mental illness known as Christian fundamentalism. I look at my unique Biblical knowledge as a gift to use in this battle against religious ignorance. Using it I can be very bold confronting fundamentalists because I can use their own weapon against them.
The Man Who Would Be Atheist
Personally, I think that my story is that of a man who was never able to believe in a God, struggling until I realized the truth. Even as I prepared sermons as a church pastor I always had that lingering doubt in the back of my mind that would not go away. As I would make bold statements of faith about God and the Christian life, I would always hear that small voice in my head, “What if you’re wrong?” Now it’s obvious to me that I never belonged in a church and have no need for a God. In my heart I know it’s just stupid, worthless superstition.
I also have a hard time believing that everyone else is not like me. In spite of what they say, I think we all have they same doubts and thoughts, but that most Christians are so afraid of either eternal damnation or what their friends might say that they live in constant denial. I know this, because they keep making terrible flimsy excuses for their God’s inability to answer prayer. They also admit it by their daily existence, almost none live up to what they profess. No one who actually believes they are bound for eternal damnation and suffering would live the way the majority of Christians live.
Because I never did completely believe, I am unable to understand or even comprehend the thinking of most religious people I talk to. When they make statements like “I am sure that God is up there somewhere”, I can’t imagine feeling that way; such a feeling is totally alien to me. Religious faith was always a struggle, trying to force an unnatural idea on a conscience that knew better. While I know I am not infallible, and admit that I don’t know everything, there is no doubt in my mind that I am an atheist.
I am hoping that this discussion answers some of the questions that friends and family members ask me. Questions like:
Why become an atheist? Why not something less drastic?
Even if we accept that fundamentalism is wrong, why reject all of Christianity and all other religions too?
At first my answer was that growing up as a fundamentalist, it is was part of my nature to see all issues as either black or white. Either God was up there or he was not, and without evidence to support God, I rejected the possibility. While there is some truth to that answer, there was a lot more that drove me to atheism…
Since there are so many different religions all claiming they are the truth and that all the others are not. It seems unreasonable to me that only one would be true and all the rest are wrong. As I examined each looking for something that makes one religion superior or better than any other, they all look basically the same to me. I saw nothing in any religion that makes any more sense or provides more believable answers than that which I was already very well familiar. So I came to the conclusion that all religion is basically the same and not worth the time it would take to consider them anymore.
Yet there may be an even deeper reason that I became an atheist. I just cannot imagine myself believing in God. When I hear religious messages, the first question that comes to my mind is, “How could anyone possibly believe this junk?” So the answer may still be quite simple; I am an atheist because I am unable to believe that God exists. Belief in a God just doesn’t feel right.
It might surprise the average American to know this, but there are many other good arguments against the belief in God, and some of them are almost impossible to argue with. I believe that all other religions fail under the same tests I put fundamentalism through; however I don’t know them as well so I could not make the same strong case against them as I did here. I have tried seriously to consider other faiths, but I keep coming back to the fact that I just don’t believe in the supernatural.
Why adopt Atheism instead of Agnosticism?
Over the years it has been quite popular for people who do not believe in God to claim agnosticism instead of atheism because it is perceived as less offensive. Most Americans think that atheist deny God’s existence while agnostics just say that they don’t know if he is there or not.
So we have a situation today where the majority of Americans think that you either have to be a good religious believer, an evil Atheist, or a neutral Agnostic. I would argue that we have created a false opposition between these words, and that human religious belief is much more complex than that view.
I am both agnostic and atheist. If you look at the chart to the right you will see how this is possible. The horizontal scale rates belief from Zealots (who never question a god’s existence) to Atheists (who are just as certain that one does not exist.) The vertical scale shows knowledge running from Gnostic (have revealed absolute knowledge of a god) to Agnostic (being unable to discover or ever know anything about a god).
Christian Fundamentalists believe in a god and also think they have special revelation and personal experience of that god. Without debating whether or not their experience is genuine, they are believers but not agnostic.
As you can see most Christians believe that you cannot say anything about their god and believe in him any way, therefore they are both believers and agnostics.
The typical self-proclaimed agnostic does not believe that a god exists nor will they say that one does not. My point is this; an agnostic cannot answer the question “Do you believe in God?” with a “Yes.” An atheist is any person lacking a belief in God. Since the agnostic is not a believer, like me, they are also both atheist and agnostic whether they like it or not.
Most people who negatively react to my atheism mistakenly think that I fit in the bottom right of this chart as someone who thinks he can prove that no god exists. I suppose that somewhere such an atheist exists, but I am not that person.
My definition of Agnosticism
Agnosticism: A philosophical position that postulates that it is impossible to know if a god or gods exist.
By my definition agnosticism is a question of what you know or can know. I am certain that anyone can create a definition of “God” that I cannot prove exists and cannot prove does not exist. I cannot say with certainty that no god of any sort exists anywhere and in this sense I am an agnostic.
My definition of Atheism
Atheism: The lack of belief that any god or gods exist.
My position is that I do not believe that any god exists. Agnosticism is about what I can know and prove while atheism is about what I believe. I may not be able to prove that no god exists, but my examination of the evidence (or lack of it) convinces me that there is none.
Notice that my definition of Atheism does not involve the word “denial”, mainly because I don’t deny anything. I just don’t see a reason to believe.
Yet I must point out something here that I have pointed out many times before. Christian Fundamentalism and the Bible do not portray Jehovah (or Yahweh of you prefer) as some unknowable, immeasurable concept. The Bible and most Christians claim many measurable attributes that can be used to identify their God and used to test his existence. I am thoroughly convinced that these attributes, emotions and acts can be used to firmly prove that the god of my youth cannot possibly exist.
Conclusion
From my life experience I have a very thorough knowledge of what a Christian Fundamentalist is and what they believe in.
Furthermore, I know from first-hand knowledge that Christian Fundamentalist dogma is harmful and dangerous to the believer and our nation.
That being said, we who see it for what it is must combat Christian Fundamentalism with the truth every chance we get. Such an ignorant belief cannot spread and cannot prosper in a nation that sees them for what they are and that understands the stupidity of their teachings.
Does that mean we should pass laws against them and oppress fundamentalism? Absolutely not!
If history has taught us anything, it is that religious persecution of any type does not work. Not only is persecution for a person’s beliefs morally wrong; it is self defeating. The blood of martyrs is like fertilizer to religion, it spreads it more effectively than anything else can. The only way to combat religious ignorance is education; not only education in science and logic for the public in general, but also educating the public in the actual beliefs held by fundamentalists revealing the idiocy of the movement.
Only the steady drumbeat of truth hammering away at ignorance can defeat fundamentalism, this was the reason this book was written.
